“Throw yourself at the ground and miss” -Douglas Adams

I read a funny article from the Science Creative Quarterly site on how to fly:

http://www.scq.ubc.ca/how-to-fly/

They quote author Douglas Adams as saying that in order to fly you must throw yourself at the ground and miss.

HA! It is poignant. Don’t I spend a lot of the time hoping I won’t fall flat on my face. But in moving forward, I tend to keep my eyes squarely on the path just in front of me. Even at work, it is sort of a joke that I walk head down very quickly, intent on getting to wherever I am headed. Often missing those waving frantically at me, “Melissa!Look up!!”

I have even teased my friends about walking soooo slowly. I just get so ready to be there, I don’t want to take my time.

So for me, aiming at the ground makes perfect sense. It’s the missing part I’m thinking on…

Sometimes it has felt like that ground just jumped right up on top of me! I know you know what I mean.

Sometimes I do walk slowly on purpose, and I notice this forces me to be in tune with myself: my body, my breathing, my thoughts. And, I do not always like it. It is much more comfortable for me to be so hurried I do not have time to connect with myself or others.

Well, thank you to those two gals at work (you know who you are) for slowing me down. For waiting for me outside the door of a stressful meeting and not letting me isolate. As I rushed by them, frantic just wanting to go outside where I could breathe – but they intentionally waited for me…and made me wait for them so I didn’t miss their support.

For sitting with me when I need to be quiet, but knowing making myself all alone is not good.

For helping me miss the ground that day.

I wonder what would happen if I looked up more often? I wonder what, or rather, who am I missing?
Thanks for reading…and, fly with all your might.

Changing

What will I do differently today?

This is the question running through me today:
What will I do differently today?
Why? Because I keep doing the same things over and over hoping things will change. I believe the first time I heard this concept was in an AA meeting with my dad: the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
I agree – it does make me crazy to keep moving so much every day…expending energy…yet stay in the same place.
But, I know better.
So, I need to do better. (Thank you, Oprah & Maya Angelou – http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Lesson-8-When-You-Know-Better)
I know I have to change. And, make changes.
Otherwise, I will stay swept up in the current of change around me, feeling tossed and voiceless because I’m not putting my feet down anywhere, establishing my own steps.
My husband said to me at dinner a few nights ago that I already have everything I need to succeed – intelligence, a degree, experience, a great job, great references…
that I am holding myself back – now, why would I do that?
I could not disagree. And, Lord knows I want better for myself. I am more alive and healed these days, so the mundane tasks that were sort of therapeutic when my heart was so broken and distraught…that offered me consistency and quiet to help my soul restore…are now trying to draw me away from the aliveness growing in me. My body is rejecting sitting in front of a computer all day…craving air, room to spread my wings, places to fly.
So, what will I do differently today?
I will write. And, share it.
I am scared but I will do it anyway.
I fear other’s opinions, but I will do it anyway.
I know what it’s like to be curled up at night, sad, lonely, hopeless – and typing into the google search looking for hope – connection that I’m not alone in my pain. And, finding the voice of someone online that has shared their struggles, healing, encouragement.
So, I offer a little hope today. You are not alone. I’m sorry for what is breaking your heart, threatening to tear your mind in two and searing your soul. Please keep reading. I will share more & I am here.
Reach out if you are ready. It is just as courageous to be quiet and heal as it is to reach out.
A story that changed me, offered me fresh hope on a teary night:
Try something different today. And, remember – you will fly again, my friend.

It is time

It is good that I am starting here –

—because this is where I am. I have wasted so much time waiting for the perfect time, perfect way to do things, perfect harmony in my life before doing. That has left me @ 37 years old, starting. And, I couldn’t be more proud of myself as I am right this moment. The question is, “What do I want to say now that I have found my voice?”