Not that long ago, I was just in a world of hurt. Emotionally. Battling depression, struggling to just get through the day. I remember walking my dog and seeing people golfing, or running, or walking their dogs – they looked SO happy. Not just happy, but in contrast to my brokenness they looked SO happy. You know what I mean?
And, just doing little things like managing myself at work on a daily fashion – that completely drained me. I tried so hard, but kept coming up short. I wasn’t connecting with anyone. How could I connect when I hated my own thoughts. I hated these stubborn dark feelings that were my near constant companion. It all made me…sad.
I remember trying to talk to people. How could I unload that kind of baggage? I resented even having to carry it. Let alone trying to burden it onto someone else? So, I tried, probably shared too much or nothing at all.
“The Wounded Heart “by Dan Allender (http://thepathlesschosen.com/) taught me we are not made to heal alone. This doesn’t mean not having your time of solitude. It is talking about being isolated, cut off where no one could help you.
It was one night I was journaling, but couldn’t find anything new to say. So sick of my season, I didn’t want to chronicle it in any way. I couldn’t even cry. That meant accepting my place – and I was fighting it with as much dignity as I could muster.
Then, I got online. I googled something like “how to overcome childhood abuse.” All kinds of things were found. A lot of blogs. Hmmm…a blog? You mean people actually write down what happened to them and share it online? Intriguing.
I have to admit – it was like a glass of cool water. I was not alone! And, some blogs gave words to my experiences I could never find in myself to express.
Soon, I found Melody Ross’ blog. Brave Girls Club founder. I’ve mentioned her a few times. I was absolutely moved by her sharing. Rawness, no shame in her game…I started changing. She describes her pain as so intense she had to retreat. And, how a bird, when it is wounded, heals fastest and best, when it’s set in a safe box, with holes to breathe – untouched for a period of time. http://melodyross.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/01/you-will-fly-again.html
Some people blog about Jesus, some blog about being angry with God, some blog to help people, to create a network, on and on.
Blogging helped me do three things – three things I was in desperate need of being able to do:
- Figure out what I would say if people were listening
- Get more comfortable with not saying everything right
- Learn that everyone hurts, everyone has things they grapple with
Nowadays, I blog because simply: I love to write.
And, I thoroughly enjoy reading other peoples’ blogs. Because they took a risk and shared, I was found on those dark, lonely nights in my fight – I was found.
And, I hope my words help someone on a dark and lonely night. You are not alone. And, it will get better if you let your voice speak.